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Jul. 22nd, 2015 | 11:30 pm
location: the couch
mood: buzzed
music: Learn to Fly by FKJ feat. Jordan Rakei

"What are your addictions?"
Most of the class murmered with embarrassed denial. How can our professor ask about addictions?
"Sir naman! I don't do drugs. I don't even smoke!"
The smokers in the room stayed quiet but barely concealed knowing smiles.
I just laughed.
"Oh c'mon, we all are addicted to something. It doesn't have to be smoking nor drinking. It could be food or something else," my professor explained, rolling his eyes exasperatedly at the outraged murmurs around the room.

"I once had an American student. On one occasion, I asked him about his college life. He laughed and said he couldn't remember anything from his lessons. Except that he was drunk every single day.

I joked that something must have gone right, since he's now studying for a master's degree. He laughed and said, 'I honestly don't know, sir.' He seemed serious about his answer, so I asked why he drank so much. I thought it had something to do about stress, peer pressure, or heaven forbid, family problems. But then he said, 'I wanted the buzz, sir. I kept looking for it. I wanted it. I needed it.'"

And then I realized he was right. We wanted to chase that fine line between sobriety and inebriation - that alcohol-induced limbo when you start feeling light-headed, when your fingertips start to go numb, when your tongue starts to get loose, when your laugh gets a little louder, when your let your guard go down low enough for you to pull it back up as soon as people directed their amused stare at you.

Friends have always said I possess an iron liver. I drink copious amounts of alcohol and almost always never get drunk.

Thing is, I keep myself from getting drunk, because I want to reach that line. I want the buzz, not the blackouts, the vomiting and the
inevitable hangover.

Because at that point, I can think clearly. Or maybe not think at all. I can make sense of everything and at the same time, giving up making sense of it all. I give wisdom yet don't take any of that for myself.

I start to understand why people are the way they are and why things happen as they do. But it doesn't necessarily mean that I have to accept them. And yet I just do.

I laugh when I start to cry and cry when I'm supposed to be laughing. I will tell you what you need to hear whether you like it or not. Or maybe keep the peace, because I need peace for myself.

I want to touch you and tell you all things you want to hear. But hold back, because this is not the time nor place.

Oh look, a slip of the tongue. It must be the alcohol.

Contrary to popular belief, I am not an alcoholic. Far from it. I don't seem to need it as much as I think I do. I can resist the bottle of Jaeger that sits right in front of me in the office. It is not without some amount of will, but good sense prevails most of the time.

I still don't see anything wrong with having a drink in the morning. Or throughout the day. Just don't be stupid.

But who am I to say such things? This is probably the alcohol talking anyway.

And right at the time when I decide to write for myself.

Then again, they say writers (like me) write best with alcohol.

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The nose knows

Feb. 7th, 2013 | 09:18 pm
location: Philippines, Manila
mood: working
music: Hurting by Friendly Fires

The time that I start writing again and I speak of the olfactory sense. Well, spare this girl some happiness and carry on.

The nose knows. And it damn well remembers

I don't have the best of eyes nor the best set of ears. I have high-grade glasses, and if I don't wave back at you when I'm not wearing them, I ask for forgiveness

But if there's one sense that's more acute than anything else, it's my perpetually allergic nose. When it's not being bothered by any allergen, I found it proves to be very sensitive.

Aside from sniffing out pleasant smells from the kitchen, this nose of mine can easily pick out and remember one's perfume or scent
I memorize scents. I can tell the identity of a person blindfolded provided I know his/her perfume. So if you're planning to sneak behind me and cover my eyes, make sure you're not wearing any cologne I know of

In the morning, my nose wrinkles involuntarily at the mix of scents coming from my parents' room. My Mom uses a sesame-based oil concoction while my Dad loves a fresh-smelling cologne from Bench. I also know when it's Sunday morning and it's time to go to Church when I get a whiff of my Lola's perfume which seems to never run out.

My best friend likes a musky scent, while another close friend prefers a mild lotion. A former professor seems to douse everything, including our class papers, with cologne. Not that we're complaining, but it's hard to comprehend how someone smelling so good could give such low marks

Just to name a few.

Thing is, there are certain people who wear certain scents that are particularly hard to forget. Not to mention that they carry certain shall we say, memories

Case # 1: A former boss wears a particular musky yet clean-smelling body spray. He comes to work in the morning smelling like he just got out of the shower (probably did) when Manila traffic is enough to make your hair turn white whether you're commuting or not. One of life's wonders.

Said boss has become a mentor to me and cutting to the chase, I found it hard to resign because of him

Anyway, after a few months, he gave me his work phone. Said he got a new one and that's the one he'll use. I told him to return the phone to the office, since there are other managers who can use it instead of me. He refused, saying he wanted me to use it

All right, fine. After a while, me being olfactory me, I caught a whiff of his perfume on the phone. Call me stalker and creepy, but I know you'll know what I mean when you're in my place

Somehow, it's more than just me inheriting his phone. His scent on the phone reminded me that there were expectations of me - that we kinda had a good working partnership. He trusted me enough to manage projects. In his words, "it's rare I take someone under my wing."

I returned his phone when I resigned, and by that time, his scent on it was gone. But what hurt the most was the knowledge that I did betray him somewhat. He's a mentor - an older brother who is mean when he's in a naughty mood but genuinely caring underneath

Took me 3 months for the guilt to go away. I miss him, but in this world, there is really no time for regrets

Case # 2: So there's this new guy. Aha, giveaway right there. Real, genuinely nice guy. Smart, easy to get along with. Athletic - I mean, really, nothing to complain about

Right off the bat, I caught that nice, clean, and neat smell of him. It's so him, I would've laughed at how plain it was. Not that it's laughable, it's just... there

What gets me in a bind right now is that friends and teammates are hell-bound on teasing us to death. Plus a schedule that makes us meet for just about 10 minutes everyday. Insert sigh and a shrug of shoulders here.

One day, I took his place at our station. I like lounging on the not-so-lounge chair during not-so-slow news days. When I sat up, I found his scent on my jacket and my hair. By virtue of the chair. By virtue of the chair. I know that look

It was both comforting and disturbing at the same time. It was nice because it smelled good and disturbing because there were so many thoughts and feelings spent on working things out in my head

Here's to staying away from his seat. Or not.

Case # 3: No one can wear that cologne other than him. I mean, NO ONE
When one of my former officemates came in wearing the same cologne, I almost throttled him and demand that he change it. Too many thoughts, too many feelings.

The "he" in question is my notion of a perfect guy. Physically and in terms of personality. He's that. There.

As my friend described it, "he smells like a baby" - yes, powder-fresh. Matches his all-white shirt phase

Oh, but he's far from innocent. Oblivious to the simplest and corniest jokes, smiles at the "doubtful" jabs. So hopeless, it's funny

If you would have seen me when he told me he'll miss me, you'd slap and shake me so hard for losing my OrCom tongue. Was there something there? Something about us? Something between us anyway (song lyrics yes)

I was young and stupid and in college. He's working

Won't stop me from wanting to strangle any other guy wearing the same cologne. It's bad enough I miss him, since he's abroad. I don't need to remember things. And I don't need to miss him any more than I do.

Wonder if he still wears the same cologne. I guess I have a chance to find out on the 12th. Early Valentine's? No? Hell, I'm taking it


Creepy? Too many feels? I guess, I just find that there are just some things, some memories that are not easily let go. Whether they hurt or not, these are some that I like to keep, smile at, and tableflip over. Maybe laugh at during my wedding

In situations where photos and videos aren't of much use, could you blame me if I hold on to these by way of smells and scents?

And really, could you blame me if I'm born with such a troublesome olfactory sense

Thought not.


"I can feel in my body
Free from all the things you wear
I can feel in my body.
Shows me the way.
Shows me the way.
I hear you say,
I can't let you leave my life like this.
I hear you say,
Don't leave,
Don't leave,
Don't leave."
- Hurting, Friendly Fires

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Challenge Accepted!

Feb. 2nd, 2012 | 06:37 pm
location: at the office
mood: fuck yea
music: Houdini by Foster the People

Le gasp! Guess who's updating her blog once in a few blogosphere centuries?

Well, I just thought I'd offer a little challenge to some people I know who might happen to chance upon this blog.

You see, I kinda revealed to someone that I have a second blog that contains stuff that is not to be read by "normal" people. Unless by "normal" you mean a fandom shipper. Fortunately, all the people around us were not minding our fangirling and that godawful slip of the tongue.

So while I'm on the bus on the way to work, I kinda thought, maybe I'll offer a prize of say, free lunch for a week, if they or you would somehow find that second blog. Disqualified are those who already know the URL of that blog. You people know damn well who you are, so don't you come asking me for lunch or popcorn. 

A clue to get you started, don't search it on Google. You will not find it there unless you know the right keywords. Hell, you might not even find it even if you do know. It's useless.

So. Challenge accepted? Game.

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Blog Challenge Day 1: A photo of yourself and a description of how your day was

Aug. 15th, 2011 | 05:41 pm
location: at the office
mood: boredbored
music: Cherry Lips by Garbage


So hey there! Weird that I'm posting a picture of myself on this blog. And I keep telling myself that I'd hide myself in this blog. Yeah right whatever. Anyway, because I'm bored these days (as if I don't have work) and because I'm determined to blog again, I pilfered this blog challenge from Grace's WP. 

This picture is actually from uh, two weeks ago in our former office at Makati. Marj, my batchmate and now co-worker, took this picture with me and the "red and blue corners." See the red and blue mess at the sides of our laptops? Yeah. Somehow, our things were color-coded that day. She owns the red corner, while I have the blue corner. Which is kinda ironic, since I have a bit of an aversion to blue (a bit allergic to a certain blue school). 

But since the challenge called for a description of how my day went (I'm bending rules here), I'm here to tell you that it has been quite a steady and boring day. Same work, then just some stuff. It kinda started with me feeling a bit down because of some not-so-nice developments at work (cue latest post before this one). It's just all sad. 

The day kinda picked up in the afternoon though. The big boss did say that me and my two other officemates are going to the 2011 IMMAP Summit: The Digital Shift at Rockwell on Wednesday and Thursday. Pretty exciting 'cause we're really gonna see how social media works for brands. As in the real thing. Not just classroom stuff. Plus it's two days off from work. Heeee. 

And then nashi_kanata posted the latest chapter of the Intern Series (Hetalia). I could feel my cheeks burning up. May I just say that France is a very effective plot device. Oh God, I can remember that damned conversation like it was yesterday. But that's another story to tell. Well, if you'd be able to find that story in fanfiction.net (you'll know it when you see it), then there you go. Damn chapter gave me good vibes for the rest of the afternoon. 

And talking with Grace and Anton. Well, they're another big story. One big crazy story. It's just... GAH. But they're my friends, and it's always interesting  talking to them. That's why I love them. 

And yeah I'm here biding my time 'til the final bell rings. Not much stuff to do. Meh.

But I can't complain, since I'm here writing this post. Free internet yo! And I'm getting paid. Hoho! I have a great job, haven't I?

And what do you know? Just a few minutes before 6 PM. 

What? :D

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Aug. 15th, 2011 | 03:40 pm
location: at the office
mood: blahblah
music: Champagne Life by NeYo

Kay. One problem with not posting is that a lot is happening in your life that you want to blog about. Then when you finally get down to posting something, you kinda struggle telling the story, since you need a lot of background first.

Such is the case today. But I'm more interested in getting this out so to hell with the background details.

I have this co-worker at my first job who's the classic loud-mouthed conyo kolehiyala. I'm supposed to have this allergy to conyo people, but I made an exception for her. She's friendly, a lot of fun, and incredibly smart. She grew on me real fast and we've become friends in just a really short span of time.

And then boom, she's out of the office. Yeah, she was fired. Because of a lot of reasons.

At this point, I don't know whether to be angry at her or just really sad and disappointed. It really feels bad when someone whom you thought you can be friends with and whom you thought you can trust suddenly does something really terrible. And it feels even worse when you find that you don't know anything about it. Something worse-r than worse is that you don't know if you could or should defend her, because you know that what she did was true.

It's just all sad really. This doesn't mean that we couldn't be friends. It just means that maybe it would be better to be a bit more cautious in trusting people. I trust people a little bit too much I guess.

Well, it's just something that I'd have to put behind me... us. A lot more people will come and go, and it's going to be a learning experience every time. 
Tags: ,

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Aug. 4th, 2011 | 03:51 pm
location: at the office
mood: meh
music: typing sounds

 Locking some posts~ Wahahahahaha! 


Can I just say that the posts here are all so college. Haha! Excuses. 

A blog is a blog is a blog is a blog. 

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Song Meme! Because I missed doing this...

Aug. 8th, 2010 | 11:17 pm
location: in the dining room
mood: amusedamused
music: I Caught Myself by Paramore

And because I don't want to do the Harry Potter poster just yet...

1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

- Black Heart Inertia by Incubus

"You're a bonfire, and we're gathered 'round you..."

- Monster by Lady Gaga

You should read my fanfics.

- Just Chilling by Sun Valley Crew

I like a guy who knows when and how to chill.

- Until the End of Time by Justin Timberlake

I hope not. Feeling tired and lazy is not the way I want to feel until the end of time.

- Just the Two of Us by George Benson

To get married? That's debatable.

- Never the Same by Supreme Beings of Leisure

Not really. I'm actually very predictable. And if you'd actually listen to the song, you'll know that yeah, this is really Nadz.

- Walking on the Moon by The Dream

So I look like I'm always floating on space?!

- We Walk by The Ting Tings

Walk where?

- Filmy by OZ

Photos? I want a DSLR!

WHAT IS 2+2?
- Watcha Say by Jason Derulo

What? I do not understand such an expression.

- .........

The song that just played is just too...............

- How Much is Your Love by Jealkb

Funny you ask.

- D-Technolife by Uverworld

I wanna be a rockstar!

- One Step Closer by Linkin Park

If only I could...

- It's All Good by Bone Thugs N Harmony

Talk about sexy-time songs. Dayuuuummm!

- Hot N Cold by Katy Perry

Are you sure I'm dead?

- Make It Mine by Jason Mraz

That's just...... LOL!

- FYI by Amber Davis

For your information, it's losing my family.

- Ai Tsumi by Jealkb

I actually don't know what it means.

- Remember the Name by Fort Minor

.YES. Remember me! Mwahahahaha!

- I Hate This Part by the Pussycat Dolls

Not true! I love my friends!

- Sorry Sorry Answer by Super Junior

I think that song is just so sexy...

I have a weird playlist, I know.

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Because it's been too long since I last posted

Aug. 8th, 2010 | 10:15 pm
location: in the dining room
mood: blahblah
music: Flashback by Calvin Harris

Actually, blame Sir Barry, my professor for OC 152: Communication Trends and Styles for this post. He emphasized the importance of New Social Media and creating an online reputation, so yeah.

But online reputation? Do I have that? Seriously.

The only things that go into this blog are my angry and depressed rants, and other stuff that would probably make me look like a rabid and crazy fangirl rather than a normal person.

But oh well, that's what personal blogs are for, right? :D

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Because His Brilliance is so epic

Apr. 14th, 2010 | 02:13 am
location: at the office
music: the sound of the aircon

Because His Brilliance is so epic, and because I want to torture myself and aschenhimmel , I will post his Facebook stat:

"Don't trade the ultimate for the immediate."

Now, I know it's probably just him talking about his internship, but putting it into the BOF context, WELL. YOU GET THE POINT. HUWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Somehow, there's something wrong about putting His Brilliance and BOF together in one post.


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Because being a bum intern gives me time to post

Apr. 14th, 2010 | 02:06 am
location: at the office
mood: mean
music: the sound of the aircon

And because I stupidly left my USB at home which contains another post. Damn that.

And so. I'm really getting bored out of my wits here. Since my boss and teammate are at a meeting and the other one is abroad, I have lots of time to post. I suppose I should go and talk to the other two interns, but I'm too lazy. And I don't really feel like talking to them. SO. Yes, Nadz, you're such a mean girl.

Instead, I decided to post.

So yeah, I'm an intern now at a media buying company. I admit that I've been doing mainly clerical work (which is not good because Sir Villar said so), but I guess, it's still quite a learning experience to see how ad placements work. And interesting to see how rich Nokia is. Ooops, brand drop.

I still like the company though. If I could really get into this kind of job in the future, I'd certainly accept it. In the meantime, I'm enjoying unlimited fast internet all day. Well, at least until my teammate tells me to prepare another placement order. Or at least until my other teammate arrives from wherever he went off. I think he'll be dropping lots of research work on me when he gets back.

Then again, it's still quite frustrating to know that some people who definitely doesn't have talent, intelligence, and creativity get into Ogilvy. Okay, company name drop. Nadz, you have to stop dropping names!

I swear to God, the guy doesn't have any creative and artistic drop in his blood. And he has poor people skills! What's up with that?! And you're into OrCom?! Such a disgrace! (Yes, yes, I admit, I have my fail moments as a person, student, and as an intern. Ugh! What's up with my brain these days?!)  But at least I have the necessary person skills to back me up.

I used to like him. Yes yes yes, I did. Blech. But after what he did to my friends?! I mean, he was such a jerk to them!

Look, he's an okay guy, but there really is something wrong with him. Hell, there are a lot of things wrong with him! Damn, if I were in his Technical Writing class (ooops, course title drop), I really might literally kick his arrogant ass.

And yes, the articles. AND THE LAYOUT. God, now if that was just a joke, then it's a hell of a hoot! But it's a project. With grades on the line. And he with his arrogant bastard self, started spouting off about how good his layout is. WELL, REALLY. YOU CALL THAT A LAYOUT?! To quote Eric (NAME DROP -LE GASP-), "hindi naman sa nilalait ko yung mag niyo, pero yung layout pwedeng pang-newsletter." And to quote Dion (ANOTHER NAME DROP -DIES-). "hahahahahahahahahaha!" And the two of them were being nice.

AND THE ARTICLES. I SWEAR TO GOD, THOSE ARE THE MOST HORRIBLE PIECES OF WRITING (if you could call them that) THAT I HAVE EVER HAD THE MISFORTUNE TO PROOFREAD. Okay, so I should've saved myself the trouble of leaving them alone, but they're so damn funny! I mean, they're so bad, you would have fun murdering them. And that's just what we did. To quote Ate - okay, not gonna mention her name. Let's stop the name dropping- , "this is as exciting as a pile of dirt. You should just write about thumbtacks. That way, if you write the article poorly, you could blame the topic."

C'mon, standing in front of one of the country's institutions (WILL STOP MYSELF FROM NAME DROPPING) for several minutes? It's a wonder why people didn't kick you out of the way, or why the guards didn't throw you to jail because you seemed like someone who would bomb the place, or why your camera wasn't stolen from you! He would have looked like a stupid little lost boy. And charging your camera?! You do not charge your camera. It will be destroyed. You charge the batteries, idiot boy.

And oh oh oh! The fail video! Yes. Arrogant little SOB bragged about being the faster one to understand how Adobe Premiere works (I should get paid for brand dropping). But, ho ho ho, the guy does not have any sense of color and balance. And so the girl (a friend of mine who shall not be named because I refuse to do so) who supposedly was the slower one to get how the program works worked on their video and created a presentation that would surely earn her a spot on one of the country's biggest (and richest) ad agencies. Such a shame that BBDO (now, I'll get sued) did not recognize her talent.

And what's more? Arrogant little jerk offered to revise the vid (since our prof wanted us to tweak the videos before the competition). What happened was a disaster. I cannot describe it any more than that. DISASTER, I TELL YOU, DISASTER.

Hmmm, so much more to tell about little arrogant bastard, but I guess the post is getting too long.

And there's DAF! Oh my. So much to tell!

I can be pretty vindictive, yes?

Oh, and I just realized that JERK is so near his name. Just insert a few letters here and there, and voila! You have his name! Yes yes?

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